I’ve been having a hard time thinking of things to write about. This is probably largely because my heart just isn’t in it as much any more. For a couple of years this blog was the anchor of my week, and now it’s a thing I do on Wednesdays. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

So it’s time to try some different things. Maybe my lazy hesitations are just a funk, one I’ll get past as certain chaotic elements come resolved and as the weather changes and as I find new ways to cope with the stupidities of existence. Maybe I’ve just used up the ideas I had ready to go on writing about games, and then used up my enthusiasm for coming up with new ideas, and now I’m just staring at a monitor.

Hey, it’s just part of the creative process, okay?

For a few weeks, I experimented with an idea where I pulled a piece of paper at random out of a jar with the name of a game or book or tv show to try out from a jar, then wrote about it at the end of the week. I think that was actually a pretty good idea – even if I ended up getting too busy and stressed to stick with it. While the jar was a fun accessory, though, I think it was actually quite extraneous. I’ve decided to revive the idea, sans jar: Instead, I’m just going to pick a thing at the beginning of each week to play through, or read through, or watch through, and then next week I’ll try to write some interesting words about it.

Here’s the thing: I need to care. No matter what the content of this blog is going to be, I need to be able to get to a place where I care about what I’m writing, which is sometimes a non-trivial challenge. Once I care enough to do it, the writing frequently takes care of itself – I mean, I still have to write it and it’s still difficult and it still hurts, but it’s a lot easier to not mind that it hurts when you are actually invested in the result. I don’t know exactly why I’ve been having so much trouble caring, but it’s been happening for a while. Hopefully, this little bit of structure will help me move past the apathy, and begin to occupy my writing again. There’s still so many interesting things to discuss, to understand, to explore, if I can only get to a place where I find them interesting again.

Yeah, it’s an excuse to spend all my time playing video games. I actually kind of need the excuse, because otherwise I’ll spend all my time doing even less productive things, watching silly internet videos and playing the same couple well-worn multiplayer games day after day.. Experiencing new art, collecting inspirations, is an investment in my creative future. I guess a lot of people would recommend actual experiences instead of just second-hand regurgitations, but it’s hot and expensive out there so eh, fuck it. Life will have to fit in around the cracks.

This should be fun. Then again, I think I said that last time, and it got real stressful real fast. Hopefully this time it will be just stressful enough.

First up: Transistor.


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