I haven’t played the game I drew this week at all.
I think that I made some assumptions going into this that have proven to be false. I had assumed that because I spent so much time during the day doing things that weren’t really productive, it would be extremely easy to commit to converting some of that time to just playing, reading, or watching something interesting. This has not been the case.
The thing is, responsibilities have weight. Even silly trivial responsibilities like playing a particular video game or whatever. Because of this, I can commit to only so many things. It’s not the amount of effort those things take, it’s purely the number of things I have to think about – because, you see, there is no concrete separation between these items within the confines of my mind. If I have to do five things every day, I am always thinking about those five things. Even when I’m doing one of them, I still have to worry about the other four. And, before long, I start dropping things.
This is why I envy people with normal jobs. Yeah, you’ve got to work on it for 8 hours a day, but it is still one discrete thing which is the main thing you’re required to work on. Though I usually work closer to 4 hours a day, I feel constantly stressed out balancing these things which are important to me and which I have committed to.
Maybe it’s weird that I feel this stressed out. Maybe I’m having a hard time doing something that others might find trivially easy. That’s irrelevant. The point is that, for me, it is hard, and for me it is the path I have chosen.
The point I’m making is that in its current form, ProMaRaRo is an undue strain on my mental and emotional resources.
I don’t intend to discontinue this project, but I think that I need to change my approach. First and foremost, I will no longer be pulling a new draw each week. I’m going to draw a new slip (or declare a selection) whenever I finish the one before it and write my thoughts down. It’s no good to rush through, to try a new game or book or whatever, when I still have all the others hovering in the back of my mind, unresolved.
Here’s the plan: Over the next week, I’m going to be doing my best to wrap up The Mighty Boosh and FEZ, to glean all that they have to offer. When I have completed those, I will play through Klonoa. Then I will draw a new slip, and take however long I need to see what it has to offer.
I’m not sure about these Saturday updates. I may keep on doing them, basing them on whatever thoughts I have on the media I’m currently working through. I may postpone them until whenever I finish something and write them out then. We shall see.
I’m sorry if anyone who’s been looking forward to these is disappointed by these changes. However, my first responsibilities are to myself, to Problem Machine, and to Eve, and my commitment to these are threatened by the tolls an additional point of focus exacts upon my mind.